Kicking and Screaming: Break out the Sex Panther

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Break out the Sex Panther

So I wake up this morning and check the news headlines on my computer. Whoa... what's this?! The headline reads "Pope presides at Vatican summit on celibacy". No... this can't be true.. I mean, I CAN'T BE. Wow. I mean, I do advertise myself as a liberal Catholic and everything... I never thought... I know that there's been an issue with that African Archbishop, but... they're ACTUALLY talking about it?!?!?

Wow... you know, I have to confess, as a liberal Catholic I got nervous when I saw Cardinal Ratzinger walk out the portico in Rome to assume the papacy a year ago... but THIS?? This is like... like... like Nixon going to China!! Wow! And to think I was struggling for years with whether to become a priest for no reason at all... WOW!

I have a hidden cabinet installed in my room; by moving a small statue on my desk, the bookcase revolves around the wall and reveals my hidden collection of colognes... just like in Anchorman. Oh how I have longed to be able to use the hidden cabinet. Brut, Channel No. 5, Drakkar (seems so 80s though), and yes... Sex Panther. Made from pieces of ACTUAL panthers. That's the one. I am going out on the town tonight baby, and NO ONE can stop me. Yeah!

After lunch I check the news again. A new headline: "Vatican reaffirms celibacy for priests". Okay... um... okay... um... looks like Nixon's plane crashed into the Pacific.

I put the bottle of Sex Panther back on a felt-laden shelf in the cabinet. I gaze longingly on it, wondering if I will ever see it again. I close the cabinet, move the secret statue back into place, and my bookcase revolves back from the wall. I then check the newspapaer to see what's on TV tonight. Oh... good... another CSI...

Sigh.

3 comments:

A Simple Sinner said...: If this is something you had wanted to do, go to Saint Vladimir's seminary (OCA) find the matushka, than present yourself for ordination to a local Greek Catholic bishop.

Though I had to guess, I would say you are likely not going to find out Divine Liturgy on par with that offered by the Paulist Fathers at my local college campus.

Barring that, break out the SP, go on the prowl, and join the 16.5K Catholic married men in America who are deacons.

Channel No. 5 I would leave on the shelf though... made for women, I am told it has not been the same since they quit using the glands of dead civits in its manufacture circa 1998.; 9/28/2007 6:19 PM
A Simple Sinner said...: I know that this post is dated...

But I also wanted to ask, if the Vatican OK'd married priests in the Latin Church, what do you think the over-all net-effect would be?

I have a hard time imagining married men in abundance serving as full time clergy...

I have a problem imagining that the diocese (since orders, excepting some sort of third orders membership, would not be affected) that struggle getting priests today would have any less difficulty getting married men.

Little secret: a lot of diocese have systematically turned away some very good men for being "too conservative/traditional" their numbers have, by and large been lackluster or non-existent. What leaves anyone to wonder what sort of married men they would accept or turn away?

I am always left with the impression that the married father of seven who homeschools, loads up the heard to go to daily Mass, and prays the Rosary with his family - the kind of married priest I would want - would NOT be all that welcome in the priestly formation programs of the diocese that are struggling the most for vocations at this time...

Second little secret? The wife has to agree to sign up for "priest wife". It is a true sort of vocation...; 9/30/2007 1:12 AM
PotomacSecretAgent said...: My Irish grandmother used to say "Good Job, Priest".....I was recruited in Catholic College to consider a vocation....the Franciscan recruiter actually said...Hey, 3 square meals and no heavy lifting....

How many men decided against a vocation because of the celibacy issue? I say lots...

I hope that the Vatican will some day wake up. Although it may be too late for me, I am sure that religious vocation numbers will soar.

Hey, Channel No.5 is the FOX news affiliate in the D.C. area...while Chanel #5 may be great new fad on men..; 2/14/2009 4:38 PM

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Thanks ;)

Kicking and Screaming

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Break out the Sex Panther

3 comments:

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